|
|
Does Justin Timberlake
Ever Have Trouble With Her Roommate?
 Doc Love Relationship
Advice For Men
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
"There’s one surefire way of claiming power
in your relationship: by building up the roommate to your girlfriend. To
you Psych majors, it’s called reverse psychology."
A New Article Every Week - Free weekly dating
advice newsletter - sign up here.
Hey Doc,
I’ve read your columns for a while, and just recently purchased
your book.
Thanks to your techniques, I hooked Vanessa and we’ve been together for
over a year now. We love each other, Doc, and for the most part the
relationship has been fine. Vanessa is Beautiful, Self-Reliant, and has
a good overall attitude. So far, so good.
Our biggest sticking point is her best friend and roommate. This girl is
always whispering dirty little things to Vanessa and tries to break us
up so that she can have my girl all to herself. My problem is that
Vanessa stays friends with her. For instance, the roommate couldn’t pay
her share of the rent once, so she moved in with her boyfriend, and
then, when they broke up, she moved back, without ever paying for the
month she missed. THE WORST PART IS VANESSA LET IT HAPPEN!
This is the sort of thing that happens all the time. Vanessa is just too
soft a touch. Doc, I would love to neutralize this situation somehow
without having to take out a contract. It seems like this issue will
eventually come between Vanessa and me, and it keeps me feeling really
insecure about our whole relationship.
One other thing. Sometimes Vanessa is very flakey with me. When she’s
around, she shows 90% Interest Level in me, but when she’s not, it can
be like pulling teeth trying to get her to hang out. Still, she calls me
most of the time. This has been the pattern throughout our entire
relationship.
Doc, what do you make of it? It’s possible that I am too available
because whenever Vanessa calls I answer (but I keep the conversations
short). Should I cut back on my availability? Will that set her
straight? What do I have to do to get rid of the leech who’s sucking the
blood out of my girl and get more power in this relationship?
Thanks, Bro!
Tiki - who feels like he’s fighting a war
Hi Tiki,
There’s really only one thing you can do when you have to deal with
Vanessa’s roommate from hell. Go with the flow and defuse the situation
with humor. What have I always told you guys? Keep it light, keep it
funny. Like Doctor Freud once said, “Can you imagine Cary Grant getting
bent out of shape over some babe’s ditzy friend?”
So let’s say the roommate hisses to Vanessa, “I don’t know why you like
this guy. He’s not even that attractive.” You come back with this to
your girl: “Hey, baby, when I look in the mirror I see the spitting
image of Quasimodo – I don’t know what she’s talking about!”
Or if she whispers behind your back, “Vanessa, why do you even go out
with Tiki? He’s never going anywhere in life,” you shoot back: “Are you
kidding? I’m planning on collecting unemployment the rest of my life and
sleeping under the freeway. If that’s not going places, I don’t know
what is!”
The point is to let the nasty stuff roll off you like water off a duck’s
back. Make a joke of it. If you give no resistance, the roommate has no
target to fire at. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the world.
And for now, at least, you don’t have much choice, Tiki. Vanessa likes
this gal-pal of hers. As the Reality Factor says, you have to come to
grips with it instead of fighting it. She’s not going to get rid of her,
no matter what you say. To boot, they live together. Like my cousin Fast
Eddie Love puts it, “You gotta be slick to outwit them.”
Now, I just can’t believe that Vanessa’s roommate would skip on the
rent. Impossible! I find it hard to accept that any woman would pull
such a sleazy ruse! Why, it must be the first time in recorded history
that a female used someone!
But of course you know why that happened -- because your girlfriend’s an
easy touch. The good parts of Vanessa are that she’s sweet and naïve and
a Giver. The bad part is that she can’t tell a good person from a user.
But is that the worst thing in the world, Tiki? Better to have a woman
with a good heart than…well, than someone like her roommate.
So, a soft touch is what you’re going to marry. Everything else about
this girl is awesome, right? Can you learn to live with her one flaw if
the rest of her is perfect and she’s Beautiful? That’s what you have to
ask yourself. And that’s what “The System” is all about: finding out who
the girl really is and whether or not you can put up with her.
But remember this. When Vanessa marries you, she’s not going to be
living with the dreaded roommate anymore. If she wants to go out with
her girlfriends, fine. If she wants to have the roommate over for a cup
of tea and crumpets, go and have a beer with your buddies. Get out of
the house for a couple of hours.
You’re going to have to work with this situation, that’s the point here,
buddy. If Vanessa wants to keep this thief as a personal friend until
she gets screwed over again, fine. Just don’t let the roommate take you
out. Like my cousin General Love says, “Boys, never take a bullet
indirectly.” And when Vanessa brings it up, tell her, “You know I really
like this roommate of yours, honey. You should have another girlfriend
like her.” Then walk around the block and bang your head against a brick
wall. Just don’t do it in front of her, like Macho Boy would.
Tiki, if you wiped this infernal roommate off the face of the planet,
you’d end up paying an even heavier price than you’re paying now. Like
my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Your girlfriend would visit you
three or four times in jail, then she’d run off with the prison guard.
And if not him, then another jailbird when he gets out on parole.”
You’re not going to hold onto Vanessa by blowing her roommate away, man.
So taking out a contract is out of the question.
Your girl has been all over you for a year and she’s great. She just
happens to have horrible taste in girlfriends. You’re going to learn to
live with it or you’re going to have to walk. But like my cousin Rabbi
Love once said, “When you find the next girl, you’ll have something else
to kvetch about.”
If you’re pulling teeth to get Vanessa to hang out with you, then you’re
begging, my friend. When she calls you up, let her ask you out. If she
doesn’t ask you out within five minutes, tell her you’re busy and you’ll
talk to her later. Then wait until she begs you to go out.
And if this babe calls you most of the time, Tiki, you’ve already got
the battle almost won. Force her to call you ALL of the time by staying
off the phone and not phoning her. That way her attention is always
incoming, and her Interest Level will go up via CHALLENGE.
The way it is now, of course, you hop to whenever Vanessa calls. You’re
like a paramedic -- on duty 24 hours a day. The only difference between
you and them is that you’re on duty seven days a week, too. Paramedics
get three days off.
So yes, cutting back on your availability will set Vanessa straight. And
there’s one surefire way of claiming power in your relationship: by
building up the roommate to your girlfriend. To you Psych majors, it’s
called reverse psychology.
Remember, guys: there’s no such thing as a clean deal.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at
http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
2004-2008 © Copyright DocLove DotCom, Inc. |
